How did I get here?

It's 8:30 in the morning, September 26th.  Today is the day I leave everything I know behind, and move to Cambodia.  And right now, I have that Talking Heads song running through my head, ignoring the part about my beautiful wife, because that doesn't really apply to me, but focusing on the How did I get here.  The answer: Starbucks. Let me explain.

It was about a year and half ago, and I was working at the Body Shop.  Mostly for the discount, because anyone can tell you I spent way more than I ever made there.  I was on my way into work, and stopped at the Colfax Starbucks drive through.  I was already in a fairly bad mood, pretty common back then, when the car in front of me decided it wasn't close enough to the speaker, so it backed up.  To clarify, it reversed in 5th gear, and almost hit me.  Almost.  And that was enough to really piss me off and ruin my day.  I mean really, how rude??  And that was my mood when I headed into work that day.  Stupid car in front of me, stupid $5 coffee drink doesn't taste as good, stupid mall, just stupid everything.  And then I met the girls.

The Body Shop is working with ECPAT and the Somaly Mam foundation to help end human trafficking for women and minors.  We sell lotion, portions of the profits go to these groups.  This day, this super horrible, no good, rotten day (at least in my mind,) 7 of the survivors came into the store to say thank you.  And it changed my life.  Here were these amazing women, who had been through hell and back, saying thank you.  And it made me cry.  When I taught Geography, we had done a unit on human trafficking, so I knew a little of what they had been through, even though I am pretty sure my inkling of their experience was probably their best day.  And here I am, bawling, and they hugged me, told me it was ok, and not to cry sister, which made it worse really, and something just clicked.  Here I am, upset about someone ALMOST hitting my car in the Starbucks drive thru, letting it ruin my day really, when there are some really horrible things happening in the rest of the world.  So I started thinking, and looking around, and evaluating my life.  I didn't really like what I saw.

I wasn't happy, I didn't like either of my dead end jobs, going back to teaching wasn't looking good with all the layoffs and budget cutbacks.  I wasn't fulfilled, was making a ton of bad decisions, and really just existing, not living.  So I decided, why not go help people who need it, while I figure my own shit out.  I don't have kids, a car or house payment, both dead end jobs will be there when I come back, why not? Which brings us to today.

And I am scared shitless.  Ready for the adventure, but scared shitless.  In the past few weeks, I have watched a lifetime of crap go away.  Old lessons for textbooks that don't exist anymore, clothes I haven't worn for years, crappy fake jewelry, just a lot of crap.  And it felt great to purge, realize it was just unnecessary crap, but at the same time, it was my crap, and now I don't have it.  I now can fit everything I own into two suitcases and a steamer trunk.  And I am moving to Cambodia.  Alone.  I am scared, excited, terrified, worried.  I know once the journey begins, it will be amazing, and more than I could have ever hoped for, but right now, I am in the what the hell was I thinking, and how come none of you people really tried to stop me???

And with that, I am going to get ready, go to breakfast with a friend, say goodbye to Denver, and get on a plane.