I love you Cambodia, but...

Hello again!  It has been quite a while since I last posted, but I have felt for a while that there hasn't been anything that interesting to write about.  I mean, how many times can I write about the crazy traffic, the honking horns, the strange food, the wonderful people before it starts to sound like I am on a loop.  To be honest, it was getting a bit boring, and also started to feel a bit condescending to Cambodia.  I an not sure if you are aware of this, but Cambodia is not America.  Crazy, right?  But I think to a certain extent I was judging it based on what I knew of the Western world, and that isn't even remotely fair.  Cambodia is still being formed, still has some fairly substantial problems, and is still not a Western, first world country.  So I have felt that there was really nothing new to write about.  Until now.

I am homesick.  Really really terribly homesick.  I love Cambodia, but... There are a whole lot of buts.  I miss being able to get around independently.  Here I depend on tons of other people for my transportation.  I have my weekday morning driver who takes me to school, I have my Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday afternoon driver who takes me to volunteer, and then takes me home.  I have the many many random drivers who take me to meet friends for dinner, to the market, or the grocery store, or the gym.  I try and walk, but there are no sidewalks in this country, and the constant call of "Hey lady, moto?" is nearly driving me insane.  I miss being able to get in my car, put on whatever music I want, go whatever way I want, whenever I want.  Yes, I could get a moto here and have some independence, but I am honestly pretty terrified of driving here, and am quite sure I would seriously injure myself and others.  Yes, I do have a bike, and I ride it around, but many of the places I need to go are far, and at night I don't feel safe on the bike.

I miss my friends.  I have made some amazing friends here.  And many of those amazing friends have left and gone on to other places.  It feels like I am a military brat again, with the constant flow of people in and out of my life.  I am almost getting to the point where I really don't even want to meet new people, because they will inevitably leave.  Yes, people came in and out of my life back home, but many more stayed.  I miss having dinner with friends that we cooked at someone's house, which I can kinda do here, but not really, since I don't have an oven...

And on and on.  In case you didn't pick up on it, I am having a bit of a pity party here.  It started when I booked my ticket home.  I made the mistake of booking it 8 months in advance, and now I am left knowing I will be back in the US in 110 days, but wanting to be there now.  And I have pretty much planned my entire trip in my head.  On the way from the airport, I want to stop here and eat some of this, and then on this night I will have my welcome home party, and then on 7-11 I will gorge myself on free slurpees, and etc etc.  And none of my planning is helping me be less homesick.

So I will allow myself today to wallow.  Today I can be frustrated and annoyed by all the things that are different here.  The lack of order on the roads, the weird squiggle letters I can't understand, the strange and often nauseating smells.  Today that can bug the shit out of me.  But tomorrow, I will focus on what I do love about living here.  The smiles I see around me every day, my amazing and infuriating students, the delectable indian restaurant that delivers in 10 minutes.  I promise I will love you again tomorrow Cambodia, but today, you can suck it. 

Cambodia Problems

I have decided there is no way I am going to drive a moto here.  I like my head and limbs just the way they are, attached and in one piece.  That said, I have to rely solely on others for my day to day transportation needs: getting to work, the market, the restaurant my friends are waiting at, Shine to volunteer with the girls, etc.  I have a fairly good system set up, but there are always glitches, which leads me to the subject of my post: moto and tuk tuk drivers.

As far as problems go, these are pretty minor.  Absurdly annoying, but in the whole scheme of things, minor. In the mornings, I have a few drivers to choose from.  At one point, I tried to set up a daily agreement with one, but he wanted an absurd amount of money, so I started using Mr. Smiley (I never did get his name, even when I asked him in Khmer, he just smiles.) Mr. Smiley was pretty good.  He was a careful driver, but not a turtle.  Things were going well.  Then he decided that driving down durian street and by the stinky market every morning wasn't enough of an assault of my senses.  So he added the stinky river and the worst road in the city.  Ot joe jet, Mr. Smiley, ot joe jet.  Wanting to give him another shot, I showed him the way I like to go.  It bypasses the stinky market, goes nowhere near durian street, and the roads are nicely paved.  He went that way for a day, before he found a way to again take me by a new stinky market, and along the second worst road in the city.  I was getting more and more irritated every day, telling him to turn, while Mr. Smiley just smiled and ignored me.  Then one day, a wonderful thing happened.  He wasn’t there in the morning.  I was free to pick another driver, and not feel guilty.  Then a second wonderful thing happened, the new driver charged me less.  It was glorious.  But it only lasted for two weeks.  

For the past two days, Mr. Smiley has been back.  And when I apologize, and say other driver cheaper, he, you know, smiles, nods his head, and then looks like I kicked his puppy as I go with another driver.  I wish my Khmer was better, so I could explain that a) he doesn’t go the way I like, and b) he charges me more than I want to pay now.  It doesn’t look like he will ever understand either of those factors, so I am left with apologizing to him every day for the foreseeable future.  Awesome.

Then there is Mr. Beep Beep, my tuk tuk driver.  At first I was calling him Mr. Honky in my head, then realized that just doesn’t sound right…

He takes me to my volunteer job and home after, and it is quite nice and relaxing to sit back and enjoy the sights of the city.  And to figure out a way to try not to focus on the fact that Mr. Beep Beep is trying to kill me.  I am fairly certain that he thinks honking his horn emits a force field, thereby protecting the tuk tuk from oncoming traffic.  It really is the only reasonable conclusion after driving with him.  That, or he thinks he gets paid extra for each honk.  It has now become comical, and I am waiting for the day that the horn sticks, a la “Little Miss Sunshine.”  I just hope I have either my camera or my phone around to document it when it happens…

Other than these minor problems, life here is wonderful as always.